My current musings

Growth

““Growth begins when we start to accept our own weakness.”- Jean Vanier”

Lately, I noticed that my Instagram musings were getting longer and longer. (I noticed it and a few friends admitted to me that they would skim just a portion of it when seeing the length. Not a good sign.) This was the sign I needed to resurrect my blog.

So here I am, probably talking absolute bullshit about topics I have only just begun to experience in my adult life. But I have to take the risk. I think I stopped writing so long ago because I didn’t feel like my messages were worth reading. I think I became frightened of no one opening up my links and no one feeling like my time, my thoughts, or my efforts were valued.

 

Maybe I didn’t feel like my time or messages were of value.

 

It’s taken the courage of my friends who indeed did make it through many of super long posts on social media to remind me that I do have something to say. (Thank you by the way for somehow making it to the end of my posts). You see, I thought that if I just threw everything out there on Instagram, no one would have to bother to read my posts. I could just spew my research about topics like verbal diarrhea and hope that it would resonate with someone. To my relief, it worked more often than not.

The problem with my method is that it will only work for so long. And I will never learn things about myself, my writing will never change, and I will not grow unless I do things that scare me and do things that challenge my insecurities.

“If you think about a young child trying to learn to walk, that child will fall down and hurt itself hundreds of times. But at no point does that child ever stop and think, “Oh, I guess walking just isn’t for me. I’m not good at it.” - Mark Manson”

I have decided to use this forum to begin spreading the knowledge that I gain. For now, it may be motivational bullshit, but hopefully soon, I can start sharing things from the roots of yoga, mantras from the Bhagwat Gita, dangerously misunderstood biology in yoga, and above all, a unyielding thirst for continual growth.

Unbeknownst to most, I have actually experienced incredible neglect for real biological knowledge in my yoga teacher training. I have experienced prejudice for being Hindu and Indian in a practice that comes from my roots, in a yoga studio nonetheless. And I have been brushed off when I respectfully brought up egregious forms of cultural appropriation.

I have no desire to shame anyone or to use this forum to serve as a judge and jury. I realized that I have an insight that most do not have and I just hope that as more and more people continue to add yoga and exercise to their lives, they choose to be knowledgeable and respectful. There is a reason that yoga has endured thousands of years. There is a reason we still need to move in order to survive. And it is up to us to take action.

So hold onto your butts, and thank you for joining me on this journey. If you made it to the bottom, kudos to you!! Sorry, I only have brownie points and gratitude to share. <3

Transrationalism

“Pictures of perfection make me sick and wicked.”
— Jane Austen

This post discusses insecurities and goal setting. So, naturally I wanted to start by sharing some not-so-perfect pic of me. Here are some before and in-progress pictures of my pictures on Instagram. You're not following me on Instagram you say? What are you waiting for? 

 

Many of you (myself included) have been wondering why it has taken me so long to actually sit down and write a new blog post. Physical lack of energy aside, I have been fighting with my insecurities. To be honest, it took me so long to post again because I was scared of putting myself out there. I was scared that no one would want to read anything I wrote. I was afraid that this leap of faith I took would not amount to anything… Wait, I’m still worried about that.

 

But mostly I was afraid of what I had to do next. Okay, so I knew what I had to next: actually sit down and write something! Then I started wondering who would really want to read what I wrote. How bored must they be in their lives that my small blog is all they have left? How could they possibly have run out of everything else in their lives to read? 

So by now, you’re probably thinking, “Enough with the questions!!” It’s funny how we’re frequently struggling with our insecurities, even as we become more adept at #adulting. Why is it in the face of big changes that our insecurities come out the most? I wanted to make positive changes and even then, do my demons come out to play. After much yoga-ing, running, and walking my dogs, I came to to the conclusion that this outlet (meaning blogging) is a way to for me to express myself and to show the world (or the 5 people who are reading this), that all those Facebook “Likes” and Instagram double taps comes with a lot of work.

Did anyone read that Jane Austen quote I started off with? I love that quote. As I get more involved on Instagram, I find myself surrounded of pictures of perfection, and instead of finding it inspiring, I often find them discouraging. I am never going to look long and lean like pictures of some of those beautiful yoginis on Instagram. I am still struggling to stick some many poses, consistently get a 10 minute mile for long runs, and overall making the whole process look like a piece of cake. In addition, I have this profound love affair with pizza. I know, I know, don’t roll your eyes at how I’m supposed to be all healthy and fit; in my defense, I never claimed to be either. While I am a proud vegetarian, this is probably why I could never be vegan. So, if we ever get in a fight, don’t try to butter me up with flowers or chocolate. Pizza or yoga leggings will do the trick. (insert pizza emoji here)

I digress. In addition to my insecurities, I have this bad habit of aggrandizing things in my life. Instead of having to do the following:

 
 

Here’s what it turns into in my mind:

 
 

 

See what happened there? The task turned into such a grand spectacle that the priority of realistically being able to get it done moved farther and farther in the back of my head. Because, how much cooler and self-satisfying would it be if I could accomplish the second list rather than the first one? Soon enough, the tasks themselves became nearly impossible to accomplish. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying to not have standards; I just cannot keep raising those standards until I meet current ones. I worried so much about the outcomes of the tasks that I seemed to have forgotten that needed to get over myself and just do the task.

Do y’all ever do that? I know I do, especially when I am feeling insecure or struggling in self-confidence. I go from placing a simple goal on a to-do list to placing that same goal on a pedestal, forgetting that now all the necessary, intermediary steps required to achieve that larger goal have now become just as gargantuan. I imagine that many of us do that, especially if we have high expectations of ourselves AND if we’re still seeking for our passions to grow into something more in our lives (and hopefully, those same passions will have the ability to pay the bills!).

So, in a failed effort to keep my goals simple, here is what I have started working on in February:

  1. Actually write my journal posts for my teacher training homework. I say "actually" because I'm not a fan of journaling. 

  2. Complete my 29-day yoga challenge with Joy Yoga. You can follow my progress on my Instagram and Facebook pages. :-D

  3. Continue working on month 2 of a 12 month running challenge laid out on No Meat Athlete’s website. If you’re intrigued, you can find it here. It’s a pretty amazing plan to become a faster, injury-free runner.

  4. Work on getting more sleep and not falling asleep on the couch to reruns of NCIS, and lastly

  5. Keep myself accountable for realistic tasks so I can maintain positive thoughts about myself.

Will it work out beautifully and flawlessly as I imagined? Hopefully. Will I break down if it doesn’t? The last (unofficial) challenge to myself is to not break down and continually look for an alternative.

Thanks for sticking around to the end. I know that was more of an unorganized mess than a post with a purpose. What do you do to keep your life in check? Would love to hear some of y’all’s thoughts!

 
Learning about spinal twists during teacher training.&nbsp;

Learning about spinal twists during teacher training. 

 

With Love,

Aum Shantih Shantih Shantih